Staff Reports
Liberal meltdowns are back, folks, and if you thought the last round was entertaining, buckle up! The left is currently experiencing what can only be described as a collective existential crisis. It’s like someone dropped a giant, irony-filled balloon filled with regret right in the middle of their party. Instead of addressing issues, they cry into their phones, wishing it was all a bad dream. Spoiler alert: it’s not a dream—they’re just living through the consequences of their choices… and boy, are they having a tough time processing it!
Take, for example, the young woman we saw lamenting about the country’s state. You know, the one who seems to think that if she cries long enough, maybe unicorns will sprout and restore everything to the ‘good old days.’ This isn’t a fairytale; it’s the real world! She might as well be waiting for a magic wand to solve her problems because voting based on empty promises didn’t yield any fairy-tale endings. She’s convinced that she’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be back to normal when she should be waking up to the smell of coffee and the reality that her blue state dreams are fading faster than her TikTok followers.
Not only are they crying, but some brilliant minds on TikTok are also scrambling to explain why they were utterly convinced that the future held a magical victory for someone like Kamala Harris. A gender non-binary TikTok astrologer—yes, that’s a thing—revealed their astrology charts that allegedly predicted a bright future for the Democrats. The irony here is thicker than the fog in San Francisco. If astrology was legitimate, wouldn’t someone have seen this coming? Instead, they botched their biggest prediction in history! So, while they’re weeping over their miscalculations, the rest of us are just sitting back and enjoying the show.
Then there’s the left-leaning media, who, until recently, were borderline hysterical about the end of democracy as we know it. Now? They’re pivoting faster than a ballet dancer on espresso to insist that the system “worked.” One moment, they’re screaming about an imminent fascist takeover; the next, they’re holding hands and singing Kumbaya about how democracy is thriving! Is this cognitive dissonance, or are they just grasping for any narrative that might salvage their credibility? Spoiler: it’s both. At this point, grocery store tabloids have more consistent reporting than your average mainstream media outlet.
And, of course, we have the classic liberal response: regulate social media! Nothing screams “freedom” like trying to censor dissenting opinions. The calls for censoring opinions they don’t like are reminiscent of that kid in school who, when losing a game, tried to make new rules. They rage against the “rogue corporations” in a desperate bid to hide from the truth—maybe if they just pretend it’s not happening, it will all disappear. But here’s the kicker: Americans voted. They spoke up, and the result didn’t go how the ‘cool kids’ wanted.
Funny enough, these liberal tears might be the silver lining to an otherwise troubling day. Watching the left grapple with their choices and plummet into the depths of denial is real entertainment. So here’s to the meltdowns, the miscalculations, and the fanciful astrology charts—may the liberals keep crying while the rest of us continue to sip our coffee and shake our heads in disbelief.
