Staff Reports
A Washington man’s bizarre crime spree ended with cops chasing him through the woods—over a stolen chicken. The 50-year-old suspect allegedly kicked down his ex-girlfriend’s door, ignored a court order, and snatched her pet chicken, Polly. Deputies found him clutching the bird, shouting, “I’ve got Polly!” before arresting him.
This wasn’t his first run-in with the law. Police say he’d been released from jail just hours earlier. Instead of staying out of trouble, he decided to target his ex’s home. Bodycam footage shows the tense standoff, with the man refusing to let go of the chicken until deputies promised not to harm it.
The suspect now faces burglary charges and violating a protection order. He could spend up to ten years behind bars. Stealing a chicken might sound funny, but breaking into someone’s home is no joke. It’s a serious crime that puts lives at risk.
Some might laugh at the idea of a “chicken heist,” but this story highlights a bigger problem. Too many folks today think rules don’t apply to them. Protection orders exist for a reason, and ignoring them shows a lack of respect for the law—and for victims.
Thankfully, police handled the situation without violence. They calmly talked the man into handing over the chicken, proving that good policing can resolve even the weirdest cases. Polly the chicken survived unharmed, but the same can’t be said for the suspect’s freedom.
Conservatives know that strong communities rely on personal responsibility. This man’s actions—reoffending hours after release—show what happens when accountability breaks down. The system must hold repeat offenders accountable, not give them endless chances to cause chaos.
Stories like this remind us that crime isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes it’s just sad and strange. But every crime, no matter how small, chips away at the fabric of society. Upholding the law matters, whether you’re dealing with a stolen car—or a stolen chicken.
In the end, this man’s poor choices landed him back in cuffs. Let’s hope he learns that chickens aren’t property, and neither are people’s homes. Respecting others—and the law—is the only way to avoid becoming a punchline.
