Staff Reports
Well, folks, grab your popcorn because it seems that the liberal flagships of MSNBC are taking on water faster than Titanic 2.0. Yes, in a plot twist, no one saw coming—well, except maybe every sensible person on the planet—Comcast has decided it’s time to spin off MSNBC along with its cousin networks like CNBC and the USA Network into a separate company listed on the stock exchange. If that doesn’t sound like a desperate attempt to disassociate from that sinking ship of a brand, what does? The staffers at MSNBC are likely already scouting apartments in the back alleys of New York, fearing they might get kicked out of the lavish Rockefeller Center. Can we get some tissues for their sob stories, please?
Imagine being a proud MSNBC employee, sitting atop your liberal throne, only to realize you’re no longer associated with anything remotely respectable. Their relationship with NBC News has been more awkward than a first date with an ex—sure, you share some history, but let’s not pretend it’s comfortable. As MSNBC became the go-to gal for hyper-liberal commentary, NBC News was trying to maintain its impartiality. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. All of this happened while they watched their viewership numbers crash harder than any stock in an economic downturn, dipping over 50% since Trump took the crown. Yes, folks, that’s what happens when you spend all your airtime trading sanity for sensationalism.
And then there’s the “Morning Joe” duo, Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski. Instead of cozying up to the enemy or worse—treating Trump like a long-lost part of the family—the couple decided to visit Mar-a-Lago and apologize for their infamous Trump Derangement Syndrome. Picture it: their audience, a collection of unhinged folks who wouldn’t know logic if it slapped them in the face, reacted by tuning out faster than a college kid when confronted with math homework. Results? A whopping 38% drop. That’s right; it appears the sanctity of their morning coffee routine has been ruined by the mere mention of a friendly chat with the former President. And what did the “Morning Joe” Twitter account do in response? They turned off replies! Talk about a solid plan: put your fingers in your ears and hum loudly when the truth gets too loud.
Yet, somehow, the Democrats still don’t get it. With Kamala Harris leading the charge—no offense to the legions of polite people out there—it’s a wonder they haven’t figured out why more men are opting for red hats instead of blue ones. They’ve managed to alienate a significant portion of the population. You know it’s bad when the next Democratic campaign strategy involves reaching out when it’s already too late. The Kool-Aid must be flowing like water within their circles, blinding them to the fact that Americans are sick of being force-fed ideologies while their streets are filled with chaos.
Then there’s a new trend of progressive “unity” songs being belted by influencers, aiming to rally the cringe-worthy troops left in the Democratic camp while Republicans take a victory lap, showing off their snazzy Trump merch. The swagger is palpable, and while overlaps in sports—think touchdown dances and goofy team celebrations—are celebratory, they also come with a warning. Who knew that standing firmly behind traditional values and personal freedoms would become a form of “heroism”? Next, we might start seeing caped Republicans showing up to rallies. But don’t hold your breath because that would make America great—oh wait, it already is!
So as MSNBC prepares for its fresh start or whatever they think this spin-off will bring, let’s sit back and enjoy the entertainment. Whether it’s seeing if they can survive without NBC’s lifeboat or how long their liberal audiences will abide by the chaos, one thing is clear: this drama is only getting started. And as for those special Trump holiday sweaters? They might just be the perfect gift for those who appreciate good satire—because let’s be honest, in the current state of affairs, laughter is all we’ve got left.
