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Pelosi Praises Biden’s Exit as Strategic, Hails Harris as Savvy Successor

Nancy Pelosi has once again graced the political stage, this time explaining why Joe Biden took his own exit from the 2024 presidential race. To hear Pelosi speak of it, it sounds less like a resignation and more like a strategic retreat in a game of chess, where the president nobly foresaw the vulnerabilities of his kingship. Despite his well-intentioned nature, the prominent Democrat pointed out that the party was veering off course, needing a refresh to stand any chance of victory.

Pelosi’s friendly banter about the Biden administration included some rather affectionate adjectives like “patriotic” and “selfless,” equating Biden’s presidency to the grand legacies of yore. According to Pelosi, this was an admirable act of foresight. No doubt, there’s nothing like a little revisionist history to remind everyone of Biden’s brilliance, even if he abandoned ship for the sake of his legacy. It seems every time the words “great president” are uttered, one must stifle a chuckle, remembering the price of groceries, gas, and the toddler tantrums that characterize his administration.

The conversation then turned to Kamala Harris, who looks poised to fill the vacancy left by Biden’s abrupt withdrawal. Pelosi described Harris as “politically astute”—which must have the word’s dictionary definition spinning in confusion. Clearly, the bar for political savvy has hit rock bottom, and there’s Harris, ready to take the baton without a moment’s notice. She reassured the audience that Harris’s candidacy process was “open,” implying that anyone could have jumped in. Yet here we are, with the Democrats circling their wagons around a vice president who has made a habit of melodramatic word salads and incoherent speeches.

Reflecting further, Pelosi recalled Biden’s letter to congressional 
Democrats earlier in July. At that time, the president supposedly assured everyone that he was still committed to running. If it didn’t sound like Biden to her, it certainly sounded like a classic case of “I’m totally fine, I promise!” from a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Just a few weeks later, Biden did a dramatic faceplant, announcing his departure from the race like a sitcom character who forgot their lines.

Meanwhile, Sen. John Fetterman has jumped on the Biden could-have-won bandwagon, insisting that the president could have squeaked through against Trump if he had only stayed in the race. One can only wonder if Fetterman was commenting on Biden’s competence or trying to comfort himself with the notion that the Democrats stand a shot at maintaining their dwindling grip on power with Harris at the helm. Spoiler alert: he believes it will be a nail-biter.

The countdown to the upcoming presidential debate is now upon America. With Harris and Trump set to duke it out, the nation eagerly awaits the spectacle. One only hopes that the moderators can keep the chaos to a minimum—but with Harris’s penchant for non-sequitur performances, it might turn into a reality show before the night ends. Stay tuned for what promises to be a wild contest as two sides of the political spectrum prepare to clash on live television.

Written by Staff Reports

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