Staff Reports
It’s been a week since the election, and if you thought the feminist meltdowns were over, think again! The wave of despair has swept through their ranks like a tidal wave of soy lattes. No need for a weather forecast when you’ve got a frontline report from the TikTok trenches. Yes, folks, while the rest of us are busy doing the happy dance of liberty, our feminist friends are busy searching for their emotional support cats and preparing legal documents for class-action lawsuits against Donald Trump. That’s right, sign us up for the “Our Mental Health is Fragile” collective!
Now, let’s dive into the joy that is post-election remorse land. One recent TikTok star, upon hearing the news that Trump was back, had a revelation that required getting her tubes tied. In her world, the only logical response to a second Trump presidency is to rush off to the doctor and make an irreversible choice about reproduction. It’s almost as if she believes that a few election results can dictate personal autonomy. News flash, my dear: nobody is showing up at your door to tie your tubes because Trump won. If you’re that concerned about your future choices, maybe a little self-reflection is in order rather than a doctor’s appointment.
Then, there’s the classic case of a woman who considers filing a lawsuit against Trump’s “minions” for the emotional wreckage they’ve left in their wake. The ticket to a good life is through lawyering up! “Oh, woe is me! My feelings are bruised because 52% of my fellow white women dared to exercise their right to vote differently than I did!” Here’s a thought: how about you take a step back, breathe deeply, and put the lawyer back in the drawer? Emotions may feel real, but frivolous lawsuits do not solve existential crises.
In the realm of TikTok absurdities, we can’t forget the starry-eyed liberal lamenting over her family’s ‘Trump-voting’ sins while she examines her self-worth in front of a camera. News flash for those who missed it: the world is not holding an intervention because your family supports policies you disagree with. Instead of confessing your family’s sins online, perhaps consider a little family therapy. It might do wonders for the mental anguish you seem to revel in displaying.
Meanwhile, another “woke” soul decided that the best way to combat patriarchal oppression was by shaving her head. Talk about a fashion statement! It’s as if someone handed her a manual on how to showcase your inner turmoil while simultaneously ruining a perfectly good head of hair. But look, if a pixie cut and an Instagram post are your idea of empowerment, who are we to judge? Just remember, it’s going to be a long winter, and you’ll need that head of hair for warmth.
As these meltdowns become a regular feature on our screens, it’s like watching a bizarre reality show unfold in real-time. One wonders if this is all part of a long-term strategy for a new sitcom called “When Liberals Cry.” It’ll have all the drama, the tears, and just the right amounts of cringe to keep viewers glued to their seats. So who’s ready for a multi-season binge-watch?
In the end, while some on the left hold impromptu therapy sessions on TikTok, many others are out here enjoying freedoms they seem to have forgotten matter. So here’s to a future filled with positive developments, merry merchandise (like that liberal tears mug—what a great gift!), and perhaps a little less crying from those who think the world will end just because someone they didn’t support is in charge. We could consider investing in more mental health resources because it looks like some extra therapy wouldn’t hurt. But don’t worry; we’re happy to wave from the other side of sane discourse.
