Staff Reports
President Donald Trump has thrown down the gauntlet against the infamous paper straw brigade, declaring a total ban on their use within federal agencies. With a witty shrug at the so-called environmentalists, Trump has signed an executive order to return the government to good old-fashioned plastic straws, indicating that paper straws are not only ineffective but also a source of frustration for consumers everywhere.
The former president made it clear that he stands opposed to policies instituted by the Biden administration that aim to phase out single-use plastics. With a vehement motion, Trump proclaimed the “DEAD!” status of Biden’s restrictions as he took the axe to federal guidelines favoring paper straws while promoting a plastic resurgence. It’s a move that not only resonates with his base but also seeks to combat the absurdity of government priorities focused on straws instead of real issues.
One can’t help but smirk at the irony of a government that wants to talk ocean pollution while nobody bats an eye at the actual mountains of trash floating about—be it plastic bags or fast-food containers. The salient point remains that paper straws could spend a mere half-hour being used like a democrat’s promise—short-lived and easily forgotten—before ending up in a landfill, while indicating the vast ocean of issues still at play.
Plastics, as Trump aptly noted at his announcement, aren’t the enemy of marine life that they’re often painted to be; in fact, dolphins, sharks, and all manner of fish might be too busy munching on their next meal to care about one little straw drifting in the water. Sure, plastic straws have been villanized, but where’s the outrage over the real culprits: waves of takeout packaging and other plastics that contribute to the real environmental concern? It seems battling the straw is a bit like using a pea shooter against a tank.
The plastic opposition, banded together by several states and municipalities, is an illustration of a larger misunderstanding surrounding real environmental needs. As experts continue to cite the incredible plastic waste entering oceans every minute, it appears the city councils of misty liberal utopias are fixated on straws instead of addressing the comprehensive recycling and disposal systems that impact their environments.
'Back to plastic': Trump signs order for plastic straws as he declares paper ones 'don’t work':
https://t.co/8uHuJBdKeh— WDRB News (@WDRBNews) February 11, 2025
Interestingly enough, the plastics industry has welcomed Trump’s move, implying that moving back to durable materials could spark a renaissance in sensible consumer choices, rather than crumpling under the weight of leftist angst. The cries of environmental activists may echo through the halls of congress, but the realization remains that the straw is not the villain in this environmental play—it’s the policies that misplace priorities. With 390 million straws being tossed around each day, focusing on these tiny utensils seems quaint when imagining the vast sea of waste making its way to our oceans.
In the grand scheme of things, losing the paper straw crusade means returning to practicality. This executive order not only resonates with straw-loving Americans tired of soggy alternatives but reasserts a nostalgic return to an era where individuals could enjoy their beverages without being lectured on their choices. Donald Trump’s return to plastic straws isn’t just a quirky headline; it’s a rallying cry against the absurdity of needless regulations that entangle everyday lives.
