Staff Reports
Former President Donald Trump has once again swung his mighty executive pen, this time aiming straight for the heart of an absurdity birthed by the previous administration. In a swipe at what he calls “crooked Joe’s mandate,” Trump announced the return of plastic straws, scrapping the Biden administration’s catastrophic love affair with paper straws that dissolve faster than a snowflake in July. The announcement, delivered over Truth Social, suggests that Trump is set to sign an executive order that would unravel the green dreams of eco-warriors entrenched in Washington.
For those who’ve had the displeasure of sipping a smoothie through Biden’s paper straws, it’s a joyous return to the good old days when straws didn’t turn to mush halfway through your drink. In Trump’s own words, it’s time to reclaim the right to sip without the fear of a soggy mess invading one’s mouth. With a flair for the dramatic, he is making it clear: paper straws are out, and the plastic party is back on. At this point, one can only hope that the President restores a decent cupholder while he’s at it—because if one can’t enjoy their drink, what’s the point?
The Biden administration’s misguided phase-out of single-use plastics started back in 2022, as they furiously tried to be the eco-friendly police over federal lands by 2035. This included everything from plastic straws to good ol’ beverage containers—because who needs such conveniences in the modern age? With zero regard for practicality or consumer enjoyment, the folks in charge fell for the fantasy that paper straws could replace the sturdy plastic we all know and love—a faux pas only the left could manage to pull off.
In stark contrast to Biden’s agenda was Trump’s 2019 embrace of plastic straw sales that reached almost $500,000, further proving that there’s more than one way to drain the swamp—sometimes, it involves backpedaling on foolish environmental policies with a hefty dose of market charm. He famously took a stab at the former vice president’s straws, branding the MAGA red reusable straws as the ultimate non-liberal drinking accessory. Clearly, Trump knows that a well-placed product can strike a chord with his base, combining a thirst for freedom with the risible antics of the liberal elite.
'Back to Plastic!' Trump to End 'Ridiculous' Biden-Era Ban on Plastic Straws
https://t.co/zESFGOWeZw— Townhall.com (@townhallcom) February 8, 2025
Beyond the practical implications of drinking with dignity, Trump’s approach to environmentalism is business-centric rather than the drama fueled by climate hysteria. He seems to infinitely challenge the idea that banning straws is more substantial than the vast sea of plastic pollution that extends far beyond a seemingly harmless drinking utensil. He raises critical questions: Why are Democrats so preoccupied with plastic straws when there are many larger issues at play?
And let’s not forget the vocal proponents of the Biden standard and their doomed attempts to uphold a paper straw utopia. Kaboom! Former Vice President Kamala Harris has made her mark with proposals for outright straw bans, echoing the disastrous policies of her party. As such, one thing is certain: the return of plastic straws not only symbolizes a broader fight against the liberal agenda but reinforces Trump’s rebellious spirit in the mission to preserve comfort and common sense for all Americans. Liberals might want to brace themselves because it looks like the straw-storm is brewing once again.
