Staff Reports
It’s official: Donald Trump is Time magazine’s “Person of the Year” for 2024. Yes, you read that right. In a world where the left has been cranking out “woke” nonsense faster than a toddler spills juice, Time somehow managed to recognize the one and only Trump. They must have known a meltdown was on the horizon because that’s what happens when you mix the mainstream media’s delicate sensibilities with one of the most polarizing figures in American politics. Grab your popcorn, folks, because this showdown is as amusing as watching a cat try to play the piano.
Now, let’s give credit where it’s due. Trump’s comeback story is more gripping than any Hollywood script. This isn’t some run-of-the-mill, rags-to-riches tale either. We’re talking about a guy who went from serving Big Macs to serving the nation. Sure, he survived assassination attempts and has the resilience of a rubber band ball, but that’s not all. He’s gearing up for a spectacular return to the presidency, which is probably giving leftists nightmares worthy of a horror film. They’ve traded in popcorn for Zoloft as they watch their dream of President Zelensky evaporate like bad coffee.
In the wake of his well-deserved accolade, Trump dared to ring the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange, a podium last graced by Ronald Reagan. Try to picture the looks on CNN and MSNBC commentators’ faces. If looks could kill, we’d have a whole new definition of “stock market crash.” As the bell rang and investors rejoiced, leftists likely sat glued to their screens, desperately trying to conjure up a narrative that this wasn’t exactly the height of success for their favorite political punching bag.
But don’t worry; the mainstream media is still trying to spin this. There are whispers that they would have preferred a more “worthy” figure—like someone who embodies democracy (whatever that means to them). Forget about that! The ratings for CNN and its ilk are plummeting faster than a lead balloon, with viewers flocking to platforms where “irregular” news reigns supreme. Newsflash: It’s called the internet, and it’s here to stay, whether the media like it or not. Just ask any teenager who thinks TikTok influencers have more political heft than the folks at CBS. Spoiler alert: They do!
As we gear up for another year of political drama, the Democrats are scrambling to figure out what went wrong. They’re tossing around buzzwords like “communication,” as if holding a door-to-door campaign can rival Trump’s digital outreach that has everyone from high schoolers to grandmas tuning in. Meanwhile, Leslie Stall at CBS casually admits the media landscape is a farce yet forgets to say the magic words: “Maybe we should stop lying.” If only!
So as the countdown to the January inauguration begins, brace yourselves: the hyperactive, neck-craning panic amongst Democrats is set to reach an all-time high. While Trump comes back swinging, poised to pardon January 6th political prisoners and announce his grand plans to “Make America Great Again” (cue the collective left-wing gasp), the left will continue to cheer on economic collapse as their method of protest. Not shopping? That’s so 2020! They might as well start baking their bread and knitting sweaters while they’re at it.
In the nostalgia of MAGA hats and fervent rallies, get ready for a Merry MAGA Christmas and a Happy Four More Years! In the end, it’s fair to say that while many may hate the man, they certainly can’t ignore him—especially not now that he’s cemented his place on the cover of Time magazine. There’s just no escaping the Teflon Don, and honestly, the circus is way too entertaining to look away from.
