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In a commencement of executive orders that many Americans find hard to believe, President Trump has initiated significant changes—no, not the Age of Aquarius—a return to what he describes as sanity. With the stroke of a pen, he has targeted diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) departments that have been part of federal agencies for far too long. Imagine the shocked faces of bureaucrats as they receive a notice to leave while the clock ticks down to their 5 p.m. Deadline of Doom—what a way to start Inauguration Week!
But the headline news doesn’t stop there. In a move that would make any common sense enthusiast stand up and cheer, Trump is deploying 1,500 active-duty troops to the southern border. Yes, you heard that right! The bureaucratic red tape is being cut as fast as a kid with scissors tackling a piñata at a birthday party. Forget asylum hearings; these migrants are getting deported like unwanted guests at a Fourth of July barbecue. Mexico is scrambling to open shelters to accommodate all the ‘guests’ heading back home at lightning speed. Sorry, guys, it looks like the margaritas were just an invitation for a visit, not a stay.
Meanwhile, the New York Times is reacting strongly—why, you ask? Because President Trump has officially declared drug cartels as terrorist organizations. You know, the very individuals lining the pockets of their largest shareholder, Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim. One might think Slim has a vested interest in this narrative. But what do you expect from a publication that often produces anxiety about everything that doesn’t fit neatly into their progressive narrative?
On the January 6th front, Trump is navigating through the drama with the poise of a reality TV star. He’s offered pardons to January 6th protesters while maintaining some distance from those who may have crossed legal lines. The ringleader of the Oath Keepers is out there proclaiming they were acting in self-defense—because protecting Trump supporters from Antifa (whatever that means) is a job for America’s dedicated law enforcement. With that perspective, perhaps we just need to unleash “woke” security at every congressional event—what could go wrong?
And speaking of a return to sanity, Trump isn’t stopping at the border or federal employees—he’s asserting that there are indeed only two genders. Gasp! Is anyone else clutching their pearls? In what may be one of the most obvious statements in modern politics, our nation is taking a breath of fresh air that hasn’t been filtered through critical race theory and gender studies textbooks since 2014. It’s remarkable that after years of cultural gymnastics, the truth can be so simply articulated; it’s as if fresh air has entered a musty room that forgot what a window was. Even Canadian politicians are finding themselves somewhat agreeing, sparking moments of clarity that likely caught them off-guard. Could it be that they too want a return to sensible discourse?
As Trump continues to shake off the cobwebs of cultural insanity just three days into his new tenure, one wonders how long it will be before TikTok stars engage in collective mental breakdowns. Spoiler alert: it’s probably already happening! But while progressives search for their next outrage, Trump’s policies are reportedly bringing jobs back to American soil—who knew common sense could create such an impact in factories like it’s the Fourth of July? If he keeps this up, he might just ignite a revival of sanity that gets us all believing in American exceptionalism again.
So, buckle up, folks. The train of making America great again is back on track, and its passengers are proudly waving the flag of sanity while monocles drop all around. With every order he signs, Trump reminds us what it means to be sane in a world gone mad—and we’re here for the ride, sipping on our patriotic mugs while wearing ultra MAGA shirts.