Staff Reports
In a spectacular display of political gymnastics that would make any circus performer proud, President Joe Biden has taken the unprecedented step of pardoning his son, Hunter—not just for recent run-ins with the law but for any potential infractions over the last decade. Yes, you heard that right! It’s as if Biden decided to hand out clean slates like they were candy at a Halloween parade. Who needs due process when you have familial ties and the ability to wield a pen like a magician’s wand?
As Biden prances about claiming he’s the embodiment of “no one is above the law,” one can’t help but chuckle at the sheer irony. It’s like watching a comedian try to tell a straight-faced joke while the audience is in stitches. Just weeks ago, he gravely assured us that he would not be pardoning his son, holding onto his principles as tightly as a toddler clutches a juice box. Fast forward to the pardon, and it’s clear that those principles have the lifespan of a mayfly. One could imagine Biden tapping a nostril and saying, “Just kidding, folks! Family first, right?”
But wait—this isn’t just any ordinary pardon. No, no! This pardon is a delightful buffet of absolution. Hunter’s record of alleged crack use, tax evasion, illegal firearm purchases, and a smorgasbord of other mischief has just been wiped clean—like a whiteboard before exam week. Meanwhile, the chatterboxes of mainstream media and progressive politicians publicly express their faked shock like they just found a horse in a hospital. “How could this happen?” they gasp, as if they weren’t all secretly snickering into their lattes.
And let’s talk about the media coverage or lack thereof. Can you imagine the fervor if a Republican president had pardoned a child for drug charges and financial misconduct? The cameras would have exploded with outrage, endless loops of hyperbolic commentary would ensue, and Twitter would have been a battleground of indignation. Yet, here we are, with Democrats patting each other on the back, celebrating Biden’s “courage” while pretending that this isn’t the very definition of hypocrisy they love to scream about. “Congratulations, Joe! How brave of you!” echoed across the social media landscape from those still grasping at the straws of relevance.
In this towering farce of political privilege, Biden seems to have stumbled upon a golden ticket: absolution for his progeny without facing any consequences himself. It’s almost as if he looked at the sordid affair of Hunter’s life and thought, “If I can pardon him, then what’s the harm of saying ‘better him than me?’” Meanwhile, critics roll their eyes and point to the double standards like they’re pointing out a particularly loud sweater at a family reunion—it’s tacky, and everyone knows it.
As Biden struts through this absurd narrative, even former politicians from both sides of the aisle are nodding in agreement that this chaotic decision only serves to bolster his rival, Donald Trump. It’s a circus, folks—one where the tightrope walkers are trying to shove each other off while holding on to a large stick labeled “hypocrisy.” As the absurdity unfolds, one can’t help but grasp for popcorn, having no clue what act will come next in this hilariously tragicomedy known as American politics.
