Staff Reports
There’s nothing quite like the smell of fresh sarcasm in the morning, especially when it’s aimed at the sensational saga of international politics and the occasional military escapades. The latest installment features Uncle Sam flexing his military muscles somewhere in the general direction of Iran, all in the name of defending the American people from those mean, terribly bad guys. So goes the story as it’s peddled—and eagerly gobbled up—by the perpetually worried and the mainstream media alike. But really, why stop at Iran? After all, if it’s the American people we want to protect, maybe someone should consider the idea of a friendly invasion south of the border to combat a few other real threats, like taco overdoses and avocados being manhandled into guacamole.
Let’s take a nostalgic stroll down memory lane to times when presidential bravado marked major events on a global stage. If history has taught us anything, it’s that these moments are often forgotten quicker than a celebrity chef’s failed comeback. Remember when everyone thought World War III was making a cameo appearance after a President authorized a drone-strike on Iran’s token bad guy, Soleimani? Spoiler alert, it didn’t. Nor did it when Venezuela’s leader became the target of the month, neither did Syria’s bombings lead to a doomsday sequel. The can of international worms remains firmly sealed on the shelf, gathering dust like yesterday’s fears.
Turning the tongue-in-cheek spotlight to Israel—a place that’s apparently never more than a sneeze away from imminent nuclear catastrophe and a media meltdown. Or at least, that’s what the book of greatest hits claims. Cue the chorus of voices reminding us of the looming mushroom clouds that have yet to appear. It’s become quite the ritual, really. Tuning in to hear declarations about Iran’s nuclear countdown has almost become as American as apple pie. Here we have some folks who seem to think that if the USA isn’t hauling its military wardrobe all over the Middle East for the sake of the Holy Land, then surely the sky is falling.
It’s a wonder more people aren’t asking this pressing question: Why are so many people so keen to keep tabs on every Israeli sneeze while American infrastructure has more potholes than an argument from someone too caffeinated to think straight? For billions in taxpayer dollars, you’d think the pot would include a bridge, a tunnel, or half a dozen repaired potholes. Yet the moment someone dares to question whether our priorities might be a tad misplaced, they’re labeled with all sorts of unflattering terms, the least of which involves far too many references to centuries-old promises.
At the end of the day, while the world eagerly waits for the sky to fall and new reasons to hurl insults across political aisles, one can only hope someone remembers the legend of Smedley Butler. War, as he famously opined, is a racket. Let’s just hope it doesn’t become America’s theme song, shall we? For now, perhaps there’s something to learn from those who prefer their debacles domestically simmered rather than internationally flambéed. After all, there’s no place like home.
