Staff Reports
Jimmy Kimmel, the longtime late-night host, has taken joking to a whole new level — or perhaps to a level some would prefer were nonexistent. He recently delivered a joke that critics are calling “criminal” because, in a Marxist regime, telling a joke can be construed as a crime. Who knew? One could only chuckle at the irony in a society that prides itself on free speech. Yet, if we’re going to measure Kimmel’s actions against the lofty standards set by today’s Democrats, then yes, maybe he deserves to be indicted. It’s high time comedians understand they must tread lightly around these delicate, overly sensitive sensibilities.
Kimmel’s insecurity is palpable, with the election looming like a storm cloud threatening to ruin your weekend plans. There’s something about voting that screams urgency, and he seems to think advising folks to vote is somehow a public service. If he’s feeling nervous, maybe it’s because deep down, he recognizes that Democrats are sweating bullets. Every voter needs to strategize; if you can vote early, do it. If not, vote late — preferably on Thursday or Friday. When it comes to voting for Trump, delay is key! It’s not just a suggestion; it’s practically a mission statement at this point. After all, who wouldn’t want to get swept up in the excitement of felonious voter interference? Because obviously, that’s how democracy works now.
Let’s not forget the notable case of Douglas Mackey, a Trump supporter who was sentenced to seven months in prison for posting a meme during the 2016 election. Ah, the halcyon days when sharing a funny image could land you in prison for nearly a year! But watch out; Kimmel seems to have skated free. And why not? His crime of joking about Democrats texting their votes hardly amounts to the serious offense that Mackey supposedly committed. It’s almost like Kimmel forgot to read Marxist Rule #1: If you’re left-leaning, you get a free pass.
Ironically, the left did a poor job of protecting one of their primary candidates, continually letting the joke be on them every time they relied on tactics like vote diversion.
And speaking of lame jokes, enter Christina Wong, who took it upon herself to suggest that people vote for Trump on a specific Wednesday, casting her as an absurd political jester. It’s incredible how easily she slipped into a role out of bad political satire—one that has somehow lived rent-free in the media for eight years. Indictments for Wong and Kimmel? Yes, please! After all, there should be consequences for the dullest punchlines in history! If laughing were a crime, Wong would be facing life in prison, sharing a lawyer who specializes in interpreting leftist humor.
Now, turn your attention to the bizarre world of electoral shenanigans, where voting machines seem to have a mind of their own. Reports of machines not registering Trump’s name are swimming around like horror stories from a dystopian novel. States are supposed to be the guardians of democracy, but who knew voting would become such a shady affair? As ballots become increasingly akin to scavenger hunts, it’s safe to say everyone should be well-versed in playing two truths and a lie at the voting booth. Who thought scrolling down for the main event would become an IQ test for choosing the leader of the free world?
And, of course, it wouldn’t be a day in the political arena without a scampering horde of celebrity endorsements. LeBron James has hopped on the Kamala Harris train, signaling that reading comprehension levels in politics might come down to how many rubber bands you have left on your wrist. Kamala has become the poster child for scripted talking points while struggling to keep it together, leaving the Saturday Night Live cast with little material to work with. If nothing else, we’re here for the entertainment value. After all, we can’t let the other side forget that our democracy is anything but boring.
So, as the election draws nearer and tensions run higher, the absurdity continues to garner a spotlight. If voters don’t get their act together, they might find themselves lost on the wrong side of history—or worse, accidental participants in what some might call the Democratic comedy show. Grab your ballots and best punchlines; it will be a bumpy ride to election day.
