Staff Reports
Ah, the fine art of political theater is alive and well in Washington, D.C., and President Trump is playing his part on stage, attempting to unify a nation that seems about as divided as a room full of cats at a dog convention. According to his trusty White House press secretary, Caroline Levit, the president is all about safety and prosperity as the keys to bringing Americans together. And isn’t that just peachy keen? After all, nothing says “unity” like a bit of prosperity sprinkled with law and order. Perhaps these two ideals are thought of like some kind of magical glue that will bind everyone together.
On the topic of binding, there’s that good old immigration debate again. Dozens of conversations surround this issue, and according to Caroline, President Trump is determined to focus on deporting individuals who break the law. Yes, ICE and Border Patrol are the unsung heroes in this patriotic melody. Perhaps someone should compose a ballad in their honor. These “true patriots” continue to valiantly defend our borders amidst constant comparisons to villainous historical groups. Because, you know, nothing improves morale quite like a fiery comparison controversy.
Apparently, Democrats are portrayed as the party pecking away at the valiant shield of protection that is ICE. With all the charisma of a T-Rex at a garden party, their rhetoric has been called “egregious.” Yet, the administration insists that those breaking the law must face swift consequences. Meanwhile, President Trump is painted as a compassionate architect of unrivaled safety, somehow magically dropping murder rates to all-time lows. It almost sounds like the plot of a high-stakes drama series—complete with the typical villainous plot twists.
Meanwhile, behind the scenes, political disagreements abound. It seems some Republicans are not exactly on President Trump’s cheering squad. Take Senator Tom Tillis, for example, who appears to have his hackles raised over the president’s choice for the Federal Reserve chairman. Kevin Worsh is the suggested name, and despite having a resume that practically glows, not everyone is rolling out the red carpet. There’s something about an ongoing investigation that seems to be causing a hiccup in unity. Who knew the path to financial stability could feel like such a soap opera?
But fear not, for the gears and wheels of policymaking continue to churn relentlessly. The President is hot on the heels of more economic triumphs, with drug pricing announcements and other economic bombshells just around the corner. He’s been gallivanting across the nation, from Iowa to who knows where next, ensuring everyone gets a hefty dose of his economic wisdom. Because nothing says forward progress like stepping out on the road armed with good ol’ American policies and a flair for rhetorical grandeur. Truly, these are unifying times—or perhaps they’re simply just another act in the ongoing political pantomime.
