Staff Reports
In a stunning display of misguided enthusiasm, a horde of gullible protestors stormed the streets, waving their signs and shaking their fists. The target of their unfocused ire? None other than the man who refuses to vacate their nightmares, Donald Trump. And why? Because he’s supposedly ruling with an iron fist by, brace yourselves, deporting criminal illegal aliens. This spectacle of absurdity, affectionately dubbed the “No Kings” protest, was bankrolled by mysterious deep pockets. Yes, that’s right, folks, it had all the hallmarks of an astroturf movement, attracting millions. Or perhaps, just a sizable mob fooled into action by their televisions and favorite Hollywood stars.
The supposed “foot soldiers” of this movement were an assortment of out-of-touch zealots, many of whom likely spent the morning yelling at clouds. The signs they carried were more akin to a bad comedy sketch than a political movement. “Trump induced anxiety help 5 cents” was a notable favorite, though the therapy it promised was free because, naturally, desperate times. They even produced a Trump piñata for children to vent their frustrations. There’s nothing quite like a good old piñata bash to teach political discourse to the young, right?
Celebrities, predictably, were out in force. These self-proclaimed saviors, when they’re not acting out movies about politics, are out in the real world playing roles in these ideological dramas. If her TikTok tears are anything to go by, she seems more at home in virtual reality’s limelight than in the real world.
Finally, liberal media outlets dispatched the finest in biased journalism, gleefully reporting these theatrics as an epoch-making moment. Meanwhile, back in the real world, the gears of daily life, progress, and normalcy churn onward. Conservative onlookers, however, couldn’t help but find this all strangely amusing. There stood a delirious throng, a mass gathering of mashed potatoes in people’s pasty forms and pretentious rhetoric. All the while, as America marches forward, mainstream media and its cadre of woke soldiers keep the circus going. But remember, while they play roles in their crusade against imaginary tyrants, the real ticket to put one’s trust in is the one bound to solid ground, not the shaky scaffolding of spectacle.
