Staff Reports
In a plot twist that only Hollywood could dream up, Donald Trump has reached a $15 million agreement with ABC News, effectively putting to rest his defamation suit against them and none other than George Stephanopoulos. Yes, you heard that right. The mainstream media’s favorite pastime of spreading absurd lies about Trump has finally resulted in a major payout. Does anyone need a reminder about who E. Jean Carroll is? Oh right, she’s the writer whose allegations about Trump could’ve been lifted straight from a soap opera script. But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good narrative, right?
In a shocking turn of events, it seems ABC’s attempt to smear Trump backfired spectacularly, resulting in a hefty payday for the former president. As Trump gears up to funnel this windfall into his presidential library—presumably a space filled with gold-framed selfies and the best of his tweets—one can only imagine George Stephanopoulos huddled in the corner, deleting Twitter in hopes that collective amnesia would overshadow his performance. Spoiler alert, George: it won’t.
Let’s not forget the saga of Stormy Daniels, who somehow possesses a talent for negative publicity that would put most reality TV stars to shame. She owes Trump over $100,000 after losing her case against him. Yes, the same Daniels who fitted herself into the left’s ideal victim narrative is now scraping the financial bottom. Meanwhile, former ally Michael Avenatti, once the darling of liberal media, has had a change of heart. He’s claimed that the prosecution against Trump regarding Daniels was nothing more than “political persecution.” Can anyone else hear the crickets chirping as the media tries to spin this latest revelation into something resembling legitimacy?
To top it all off, Mitt “The Rhino” Romney has joined the analysis party—not as a case study in career fumbles but to outright declare that yes, the Republican Party now belongs to MAGA. It’s almost touching to witness the remorseful dragging of feet from individuals who once ushered in a de facto anti-Trump environment. Where are the defenders of the so-called “traditional Republican values” now? One can only assume they’re scouring aimlessly across America for a semblance of political relevance as ratings for networks like CNN and MSNBC plummet. With their numbers down by more than half, it seems viewers have collectively decided that watching a slow-motion train wreck is more appealing than tuning into these fearmongers.
As Democrats continue grasping for a shred of dignity, they’re met with an avalanche of comedic failures, including President Joe’s inability to string coherent thoughts together. While he quips about running a “scandal-free” operation, everyone with a pulse and a WiFi connection can’t help but chuckle. This has become the new American pastime: watching the Democrats gaslight themselves into believing their “progressive” agenda is on fire but not in the way they might think. Instead of extinguishing the flames, they might want to consider ordering some fire extinguishers—though I wouldn’t recommend looking to the government for help.
It seems 2024 is shaping up to be a real rollercoaster ride, complete with all the thrills and spills you can shake a MAGA hat at. But with all of the absurdity we’re witnessing, one thing is clear: the more the left flounders, the more material Trump has for his next victory lap—and no one has to worry about them getting lost in the ratings. So grab a popcorn bucket, folks, and prepare for the next episode of “As the Media Turns.”
