Staff Reports
On a fateful night in 1987, the citizens of Chicago were rudely interrupted from the sanctity of their television viewing pleasure by a bizarre and shameless act of signal intrusion. The dastardly culprit, wearing a comical Max Headroom mask, brazenly hijacked the airwaves of WGN and WTTW, subjecting innocent viewers to an inexplicable and downright uncivilized display.
The first attack occurred during a WGN sports broadcast, much to the shock and dismay of the hardworking anchor, Dan Roan, and the loyal Bears fans tuning in for their sporting fix. Suddenly, the screen went black, only to be rudely replaced by the visage of a masked individual resembling the failed character from a sitcom that had long overstayed its welcome. The audacious impostor proceeded to prance about silently, causing confusion and consternation among the unsuspecting audience.
As if that wasn’t enough, a second assault took place later that same evening at WTTW, violating the beloved realm of “Dr. Who” fans who had settled in for a night of science fiction reverie. This time, the audacious miscreant was accompanied by some dubious audio and subjected to a humiliating swat on the posterior with a flyswatter. The sheer audacity!
The motives behind this despicable act remain shrouded in mystery, much like a bad detective novel that no one bothers to read. The identity of the perpetrators remains elusive, much to the chagrin of those afflicted by this televised fiendishness. The perpetrators have evaded the long arm of justice for far too long, and it is a travesty that they have not been held accountable for their heinous actions.
In these troubled times, when the very fabric of our society is threatened by such wanton acts of impertinence, it is imperative that we demand answers and justice for the victims of this brazen affront to decency. The fact that this unprecedented violation of broadcast norms remains unsolved after all these years is a travesty that should not be allowed to stand. Let us not rest until the culprits are brought to justice and the sanctity of our airwaves is restored once and for all.
