Biden “Triumphs” with Mere 73.7% Amid DNC Chaos!

President Joe Biden, the man who’s apparently never met a far-left policy he didn’t like, managed to eke out a “victory” in New Hampshire’s unofficial Democratic primary. After a lot of arm-twisting and ballot-box stuffing by his loyal followers, Biden snagged a whopping 73.7% of the vote. Big whoop.

But get this, folks: Biden’s not even safe in his own party. He’s facing more primary challengers than former President Donald Trump had to deal with! What a mess. The Democrats just can’t seem to get it together. Rep. Dean Phillips and self-help guru Marianne Williamson managed to grab 21.2% and 4.5% of the vote, respectively. Talk about a divided party.

You see, Biden didn’t even want New Hampshire to have this primary in the first place. He tried to get the Democratic National Committee to push the state aside, but those pesky state laws got in the way. Then, just to rub salt in the wound, there was a whole campaign to write-in “ceasefire” instead of “Biden” in protest of his handling of the Israel-Gaza conflict. Ouch.

Meanwhile, Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris were over in Virginia, bashing Republicans and hyperventilating about abortion rights. Apparently, they think the Supreme Court’s decisions are just the worst thing since sliced bread. Can’t these two focus on anything else?

The White House press secretary tiptoed around questions about whether Biden was sweating over the results in New Hampshire. Of course, she tried to spin it as if Biden is just a saintly figure focused on “delivering for the American people.” Yeah, right. At this rate, they might want to start worrying about delivering a win in 2024.

And just in case anyone still cares about the actual primary process, the Democrats’ first official contest for delegates is happening in South Carolina. You know, the place where Biden finally won something in 2020 after flopping in Iowa and New Hampshire. What a track record. Good luck, Democrats. You’re gonna need it.

Written by Staff Reports

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