Staff Reports
Desperation is in the air at CNN as they scramble to find a way to resurrect their dismal ratings. After the disastrous Donald Trump town hall and the departure of their CEO, Chris Licht, the network is in complete chaos. But don’t worry, the staff is “excited” to return to their trademark style of reporting, which has led to years of declining viewership. It’s like watching a sinking ship celebrate the return of their favorite sinking soundtrack.
Meanwhile, the executives are feeling the heat, and rightfully so. CNN has been averaging less than 500,000 viewers, and their recent weekend numbers were the worst they’ve ever seen in their coveted 4 pm to midnight demographic. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion – except with lower ratings.
In a desperate attempt to attract more viewers, CNN’s parent company, Warner Bros. Discovery, is considering moving CNN content to its streaming service, Max. Because nothing says “we’re relevant” like a failed streaming service. Just ask the ghosts of CNN+, their ill-fated streaming experiment that went belly-up after pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into it. But sure, let’s give it another shot, because clearly, the third time’s the charm.
But hold on, there are legal hurdles to overcome. CNN is currently tied to carriage contracts with cable companies, which means they can’t just go off and start streaming their content willy-nilly. It’s like watching a dog chase its own tail, except the dog is CNN and the tail is their fleeting relevance.
And let’s not forget the fact that CNN’s previous attempt at streaming was an utter disaster. The shows and talent from CNN+ were supposed to migrate to HBO Max, but thankfully someone had the good sense to pull the plug on that sinking ship. Apparently, throwing $300 million down the drain just wasn’t enough for them. But by all means, let’s try again and see if we can light that money on fire one more time.
Desperation Displayed as the Attempt to Resurrect CNN Involves Possible Move to Max Streaming Platform https://t.co/FWixRFQdwg
"ANYONE CAN REPORT THE NEWS. IT TAKES REAL TALENT AND RAW NERVE TO MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO."
— Michael A. Gilliam (@gilliamobility) June 29, 2023
At the end of the day, CNN is desperately searching for answers while its employees pump their fists in excitement. It’s like watching a circus where the clowns are having the time of their lives, completely oblivious to the fact that the tent is collapsing around them. But hey, who needs viewers when you can have a style of reporting that drives people away?
In conclusion, CNN’s potential move to Max streaming is just another desperate attempt to salvage a sinking ship. But perhaps they should take a page out of their own book and stick to what they do best – delivering biased, one-sided news to an ever-dwindling audience. Keep up the good work, CNN. We’re looking forward to your next ratings disaster.
Source: Red State
