Kennedy Claws Onto Utah Ballot, Conservatives Roll Eyes

Democratic-turned-independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. managed to scrape together enough signatures to wheedle his way onto Utah’s 2024 ballot, much to the chagrin of many conservative Utahns. Kennedy, known for his left-leaning views, plans to address his supporters in Salt Lake City after meeting the 1,000-signature requirement, which frankly just sounds like he barely made the cut.

Despite his desperate scramble to secure those signatures, Kennedy’s campaign is making grand promises to try to infiltrate all 50 states and the District of Columbia. It’s like a game of political whack-a-mole that conservatives just can’t seem to win!

Kennedy has the audacity to keep everyone on their toes by keeping his filing timeline in Utah a big ol’ secret. Could he be any more elusive? It’s like he’s playing a cloak-and-dagger game, but with ballot submissions instead of spies.

But fear not, Utah faithful, because Kennedy will have to face the music and address the media about his sneaky ballot-stuffing tactics. The pressure is on as he gears up for his 1 p.m. Eastern time appearance, where he’ll likely spin his signature-gathering conquest into a tale of triumph. 

Written by Staff Reports

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