Staff Reports
The Senate has finally concluded its investigation into the alarming assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump back in July, and shockingly, it serves as a clarion call about the gross incompetence displayed by the Secret Service. The report indicates that not only could this horrific event have been avoided, but it also reveals that the Secret Service had all the warning signs leading up to that fateful day yet failed spectacularly to act on them. In true Washington fashion, this bipartisan committee managed to highlight everything that went wrong. At the same time, the agents made their best impression of a toddler trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions.
The committee detailed how the Secret Service was aware of the rising threats against Trump, even going as far as sending a sniper to the event. Yet somehow, the agents on the ground were blissfully unaware of these threats, which raises the question of just how many donuts a few of them were really enjoying while ignoring their duties. Poor planning and communication errors seemed to be all the rage that day, highlighting that their motto should probably be “Security? What’s that?”
Breaking: In blistering report, Senate panel says Secret Service could have prevented first Trump assassination attempt https://t.co/Cinkn1euIj
— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) September 25, 2024
Despite some local law enforcement and civilians alerting the Secret Service about suspicious activity, including the potential shooter, Thomas Matthew Crooks, it seems nobody in the agency was taking notes. Crooks, who apparently moonlights as either a drone enthusiast or a failed James Bond villain, managed to fly a drone close enough to the rally to aim at Trump—because who doesn’t love a little airborne sabotage, right? Not content with merely flying a drone, he brought along two explosive devices to really spice things up. It’s almost like a bad action movie if the action stars were all taking a nap.
The committee condemned the “siloed communications” between federal, state, and local law enforcement, which likely sounds more like a tech jargon hack than a legitimate national security issue. This lack of coordination should make anyone question how safe they really are at national events—especially when the protectors may need a GPS to find their way to a proper response. It’s just further evidence that while the SUV-driving agents may have sleek suits and earpieces, they are utterly inept at putting the pieces together when it matters most.
In summary, the Senate’s findings paint a disturbing picture of a Secret Service that was not only unprepared but also tragically complacent. This report should be a wake-up call for anyone who assumes government agencies are more competent than amateurs at a community fair. The next time there’s a big rally, perhaps the Secret Service should consider less donut consumption and more strategic planning—if they can manage to remember that part.
