Tech Tycoon Trounces Biden in Samoa Stunner! White House Winces!

The White House begrudgingly gave a quick pat on the back to entrepreneur Jason Palmer for delivering President Joe Biden a crushing primary defeat on Super Tuesday! Palmer managed to come out on top in the territory of American Samoa, despite the fact that only a handful of people actually voted. Out of a whopping 91 votes cast, Palmer scooped up 56%, leaving poor ol’ Biden with a measly 44%.

Now, the big question is whether Biden had the decency to call up Palmer and offer his congratulations. Well, the White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre kept it short and sweet, saying, “We congratulate Jason Palmer on his win last night.” Translation: “We’re not happy about this, but we have to pretend to be nice.”


Palmer, who used to work for Microsoft, Kaplan, and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, jumped into the race shouting about the need for an advocate for American Samoa. Sounds like he’s trying to build a life raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but hey, at least it worked for him!

Now, let’s talk about American Samoa. These voters don’t get to have a say in the big November election, but they sure know how to surprise everyone in the primaries. Just look back at 2020 when Mike Bloomberg swooped in and snatched the Democratic victory after dumping a cool $1 billion of his own money into his campaign. These Samoans sure know how to stir up some drama!

And if you’re feeling nosy, you can watch the whole shebang of Wednesday’s briefing for yourself. But let me tell you, it’s politics as usual with a side of sour grapes.

Written by Staff Reports

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