Weiss Ropes in Hunter Biden: Grand Jury Showdown in LA!

In a shocking turn of events, special counsel David Weiss has taken his investigation of Hunter Biden to the wild west of California, convening a grand jury in Los Angeles to dig deeper into the alleged shenanigans of President Joe Biden’s son. It’s crystal clear that the feds are not playing around when it comes to sniffing out any potential wrongdoing by the Biden family.

According to top-secret intel obtained by CNN (aka the Communist News Network), Weiss is hot on the trail of documents and possible testimony related to Hunter’s business escapades during his time kickin’ it in Hollywood Hills. He’s even roped in James Biden, the president’s own flesh and blood, with a good ol’ subpoena. Yee-haw!

And what’s the response from the Bidens’ legal eagles? Zip, zilch, nada! Hunter’s attorney, Abbe Lowell, and James’ legal counsel are clammed up tighter than a can of beans on a campfire. It’s as if they’ve been struck by a case of selective mutism. Not a peep out of ’em!

But that’s not all, folks! The White House is dodging questions faster than a cowboy dodging tumbleweeds, passing the buck over to the Justice Department, which is also giving CNN the silent treatment. It’s a real hootenanny of secrets and mystery, I tell ya!

Weiss is showing no signs of slowing down, as he aims to lasso Hunter with even more charges than a rodeo cowboy’s belt buckle can handle. The buzz around town is that he’s got his sights set on nailing Hunter with violations of the Foreign Agent Registration Act, along with some pesky firearm possession felonies and a couple of tax evasion misdemeanors.

You see, Weiss is like a determined bloodhound on the scent, ready to fetch any and all evidence against Hunter from the Delaware grand jury and present it to the good folks out West. He’s not horsing around when it comes to rounding up witnesses and mustering his case before the grand jury to decide whether to slap Hunter with some good ol’ fashioned charges.

And if that ain’t enough, there’s talk of the feds considering what tax charges to lasso Hunter with in another district. It’s like a game of legal whack-a-mole, but instead of moles, it’s charges, and instead of a hammer, it’s the long arm of the law. Yee-haw!

But hold on to your cowboy hats, because there’s more! It seems there’s a rowdy bunch within the IRS who’s squealing like a pig in the mud, claiming that the Justice Department was doing some political two-stepping to sweep Hunter’s case under the rug. To clean up this mess, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed Weiss as special counsel to wrestle the investigation away from any hint of playing favorites. It’s like a good ol’ showdown at high noon!

However, it ain’t smooth ridin’ for Weiss, as some no-good varmints in the government were spurrin’ up trouble, trying to put the brakes on his investigation and steer clear of any dust-ups that could tarnish ol’ President Biden. It’s like a game of political poker, and somebody’s holdin’ all the aces. And to top it off, the U.S. Attorney for Los Angeles was none too pleased with Weiss’s gumption and turned down his request to kick up a ruckus with an investigation. It turns out that feller had a habit of throwing his money at Vice President Kamala Harris like it was confetti at a hoedown. Boy, howdy, it’s a real barn burner!

The showdown between Weiss and the Bidens promises to be a real rootin’, tootin’ affair, with more twists and turns than a rattlesnake on a hot skillet. So grab your popcorn, folks, ’cause this here rodeo ain’t over yet!

Written by Staff Reports

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Biden Dynasty Crumbles: Hunter’s Legal Woes Ignite, Brother Subpoenaed!