Staff Reports
Hold on to your hats, folks, because it turns out there was a major catastrophe waiting to happen at the U.S. Supreme Court building. And guess what? Liberal Justice Elena Kagan was almost a victim of this near-disaster. Talk about a close call!
Marble in the courtyard: two-foot-long chunk crashed in the Supreme Court, report says https://t.co/vX4IHlJlWm
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) October 14, 2023
According to some unnamed court employees, a gigantic chunk of marble measuring over two feet in length fell off the building and crashed to the ground in one of the courtyards. Thankfully, no one was injured, but we can only imagine the panic that would have spread if Justice Kagan and her army of law clerks had still been there. It’s almost as if Lady Luck herself saved them from a potentially fatal encounter with a chunk of stone.
But here’s the kicker, folks: The Supreme Court, always quick to keep a tight lid on things, has yet to publicly acknowledge this incident. Can you believe it? They’re trying to sweep it under the marble slab, so to speak. I guess we’re just supposed to forget that our esteemed justices were almost crushed by falling debris. Typical liberal cover-up, if you ask me.
Now, let’s talk about the sheer magnitude of this marble chunk. We’re talking about a massive block of Georgia marble estimated to weigh a whopping 170 pounds per cubic foot. That’s heavier than a sumo wrestler! No wonder those courtyards are closed for renovations. They probably need a complete overhaul after this heart-stopping incident.
But wait, folks, there’s more! This isn’t the first time a piece of marble has gone rogue at the Supreme Court. Back in 2005, a basketball-sized chunk fell from the front facade of the building and crashed onto the steps below. Imagine being a visitor, eagerly waiting to enter the hallowed halls of justice, only to have marble shrapnel raining down on you. Talk about a memorable visit!
And get this, my fellow conservatives: The front facade had just been inspected two years prior, and there were no signs of trouble. So much for thorough inspections, huh? But I guess when you’re too busy pushing an agenda, you don’t have time to check for loose marbles.
Now, let’s talk about Chief Justice John Roberts. He had the audacity to joke about these marble mishaps, can you believe it? In 2008, during a speech at Drake University, Roberts made light of the situation, saying the Court was “literally losing our marbles.” Really, Chief Justice? Perhaps you should be more concerned about the safety of your colleagues rather than cracking marble-themed jokes.
Thankfully, a $35 million renovation project is underway to fix the mess and prevent any future marble mayhem. They’re not only restoring the marble cladding but also updating the plumbing and electric wiring from the ancient days of 1935 when the building was first constructed. It’s about time they invested some money in ensuring the safety of our cherished justices.
So, folks, let’s hope this renovation brings an end to the marble madness at the Supreme Court. We can’t afford to have our justices crushed by their own building. The safety of our highest court should be a top priority, no matter your political affiliation. But let’s not be naïve here, my conservative friends. We must remain vigilant and hold the left accountable for their negligence. Stay alert, stay informed, and let’s keep our marbles firmly in place.
